Behind the Scenes of a Whoopie Pie Sale

 Friends, foes, and family, I must introduce you to the strange and wonderful world of a whoopie pie sale. During this time that your mind is captivated by these words, you will learn several things: how to make these cute beach whoopie pies, how to sell whoopie pies like a pro, how to eat when you go to Cape May, and how to handle being with a bunch of screaming 16 year old girls. I know, I know….I’ve captivated myself and I’m the one writing.

 This is an accurate representation of my kitchen during this whoopie pie massacre. It is just a small picture of the disaster area. There were icing smudges on the oven, in my hair, inside the microwave, you name it. In a total of 2 days, Jayme, my Aunt Debbie, my mom, and I pumped out over 300 whoopie pies. Just to put it in perspective, that’s over 600 shells. You could line each whoopie end to end and make it from here to Cape May…almost.

This, my lovely readers, is my cousin Jayme Rhoads. (Some prefer calling her HighMay. I’m not sure who those people are…but there may be some). Self-proclaimed fashionista by day, whoopie pie expert in training by night. She has a lovely boytoy who I recently just got to meet. Now, normally I would not mention a personal matter such as this, but this is much different. The first time I met him, he was wearing a large mound of gold-looking metal around his neck. As he moved toward me, I made it out to be a shotgun. I couldn’t let him get away with this. I pulled him aside and whispered, “I don’t think I can feel comfortable with you running around with my cousin when you are wearing a weapon of mass destruction around your neck.” His response? “It’s ok, it cost $300.” Thanks boytoy, I feel much better now.

All shotguns aside, Jayme was a lovely helper and officially the second Miss Cupcake paid employee.  She is afraid of several things including the following: Bloated deer on the side of the road, taking hot whoopies off cookie sheets, any man who speaks in incomplete sentences, and opening the bottom oven door.

This is what happens when there is an extra bag of melted chocolate and a new Miss Cupcake employee…a lack of focus. However, here at Miss Cupcake Enterprise, I try to encourage creativity, in hopes of developing a new solution to world domination.

1. Never sell whoopie pies to your brother. If you do, you will be forced to make whoopie pies that are not on the menu. After you sacrifice your time and energy to do this, payout will be slim to none.
2. Also when baking red velvet whoopie pies, if you accidentally smear 1/2 of the batter onto the table, it will look like you took a large butcher knife and sacrificed a small mammal on your tabletop (as shown above)
3. After making 1949723494 batches of whoopie filling, the egg yolks that you don’t use will start to form together into one giant cholesterol ball. If you attempt to microwave it because the cats have “no food,” make sure you put a cover over the top it it. If not, tiny particles of egg yolk will deviously get into every nook and cranny of your microwave. Plus, when the cats actually get this massive yokelet (omelet made of egg yolks), they will tear it apart and leave it all over  your front porch. So, I guess its a win win kind of situation.
4. Making rude comments to each other while baking really sets the mood. Don’t compliment anyone or they might mess up a batch. Crude statements such as: “that looks like crap”, “you really should go home now”,  or “that’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen” are well received.
5. Make sure you place the cookie scoop back on the batter mark. If you do this, there will be only one mark from your batter smudge..and not 243 as Lauren used to do in the past. (Thank you HighMay for your words of wisdom)

On that note, I’m going to share with you a lovely recipe for one of the whoopies on the menu. Behold, beach pies!

Beach Pies

Whoopie Shell:

• Water, oil, and eggs called for on the back of the box
• 1 cup flour
• Blue food coloring

Filling and Garnish:

• 2 egg whites
• 1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
• 1 1/2 cup vegetable shortening
• 1/4 cup flour
• 2 Tbsp. milk
• 5 cups 10x sugar
• 1 cup graham cracker crumbs
• Gummy fish

1. Preheat oven to 350*F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
2. Prepare cake mix as directed on package. Add flour and blue dye until combined. Place dough on cookie sheets by using a large cookie scoop or two spoons.
3. Bake for 15-16 minutes or firm to the touch. Cool for 1-2 minutes and transfer to cooling racks.
4. While baking, prepare filling. Combine egg whites, vanilla, shortening, flour, milk and half of the sugar. Once combined, add the rest of the sugar and mix for 1-2 minutes.
5. Pipe or spread filling between two cookies. Roll in graham cracker crumbs. Attach gummy fish my using icing or melted white chocolate.
6. Wrap each pie in plastic wrap. These pies are better the second day! All of the beachy flavors have time to mingle together!

Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of whoopie pies. This isn’t even the 1/2 of it.

But we knew that with our toil, sweat, and labor…that something lovely would come out of it….something that looks a little like…..

this…a cousin bonding at it’s finest..and strangest…which is actually normal.

Oh, and this too. This, in the words of the wise Torey Reichenbach, is me showing my “true colors.” Thank you mother for giving me the ability to look like that after a good 4 hours of sleep one night. Thank you for the un-constant sound of nasal vibrations coming out of your nose and mouth. It gave me joy of sleeping on a pillow-lined bathroom floor.

But, on a happy note, once we arrived at Cape May, we started it off like a ritual Cape May trip. Prepare to feast your eyes on goodness.

Oh yes, Mad Batter to begin.

A plate of carbs, calories, and delight. On top, we have the vanilla batter pecan waffle. A delicious vanilla flavored crisp waffle filled with crunchy pecans. Top it off with a pat of butter and maple syrup….heaven. This has overtaken my love for Mad Batter’s blueberry pancakes. Yes, this is serious. If the world’s currency were Mad Batter’s waffles, I’d be broke (If you catch my drift).

The bottom is Jayme’s orange and almond french toast. She seemed quite thrilled with it…I think it was a hit.

Oh yes, these browned links of sausage heaven are a new favorite at Mad Batter. Enough has been said about that. You go, you get them. Simple. Do it….now.

Because of my tummy troubles this past month, I knew that I couldn’t handle much of the “heavy stuff.” I figured that this lovely Victorian Brunch was a perfect idea….and it was. With fruit breads, fresh fruit, and delightful cheeses, this was lovely and refreshing.

Now, before I go on, I must make something clear. These next photos may not be suitable for children. Please have parental consent before scrolling. Side affects may include the following: mouth salivating uncontrollably, an immediate desire to drive to Cape May, and a spit stain on your computer screen (you can figure that one out).

Behold, chicken oreganata. A moist flattened chicken breast topped with the ultimate combination of breadcrumbs, oregano, black pepper, and olive oil. As you can see, it is accompanied by pasta, but I usually request sauteed vegetables. It’s last meal kind of good.

But here’s the story. That actually wasn’t mine..which is terribly upsetting. I might have “coaxed” Rachel into thinking that she needed to order it. Looking over the menu, she said, “I don’t know what to get, Lauren.” Muahaha…let me help you! “How about the chicken oreganata Rachel? That chicken is pretty good. I think it’s called Chicken Oreganata. Ohh, yeah Rachel, you should probably get the chicken oreganata.” She got the memo.

I made sure that I swiped a sliver of the chicken and ate my roasted vegetables, being slightly aware that it would cause me much pain because of the array of spices and oils. Well, about 5 minutes after I completed my tiny plate, it hit me…and it wasn’t fun. However, you know this food is darn good because I actually don’t regret it..at all.

But the winner of the evening was Rachel. I heard her say, “This is one of the best meals I have ever eaten in my life.” Score. I have never actually seen a 16 year old girl eat so much. She ate 1/4 loaf of Italian bread, two pieces of garlic bread, a sip of soup, 1/4 tomato mozzarella salad, her chicken oreganata, penne pasta, and the rest of my roasted vegetables. Then, she said something that concerned me,  “I wish that I could just go crap out everything I just ate so I could eat more.”

Hmmm….

Five minutes after that, she ate about 1/4 of a chocolate fudge strawberry dream sundae. I’ve never been so proud. The only problem about the whole ordeal was that some of the dream was left on the plate. This is something that has never happened. Ever. I’m sorry dearest Jayme, but no matter how you look at it…that lovely DIVINE sundae…was wasted.

Veal piccata. This is my mother’s very own, “I will order this every time I come to this restaurant” dish. It’s that good.

Jayme’s mushroom trio dish. Dripping with olive oil, bowtie pasta, and sauteed mushrooms, it can’t get much better.

After that we did eat very good food, but just not up to par with what our senses beheld at Mad Batter and Cucina Rosa. You see, I didn’t get the memo, but out entire goal for the trip was to be as cheap as we could possibly be. The cousins seemed to pull it off quite well. They even managed to say the phrase, “Is it cheap” approximately 204121884 times during the trip. However, I believe they succeeded quite well.

One of the “cheap” places we went to for breakfast was situated right underneath our cute little hotel called the Macomber. It was in the perfect location and once you walked into the room, you knew you were in Cape May. It was so perfect. Anyway, the restaurant was called Cape May Bagels. Such a cute little place and home to something completely inspiring. Behold, the bagel french toast. Rachel ventured out a ordered it..and loved it. I can’t even wait to recreate that.

Jayme’s bagel. This was worth noting. Do you see that? I’m pretty sure that they unwrapped a block of cream cheese and plopped it on there. It’s even popping out the top. Epic.

Overall, this trip was worthy of being called the Brubake&Bang First Annual Beach Trip. These ladies are definitely lively and exciting. They drive me crazy, make me laugh, and keep me young. Love you ladies.

But, my dearest Cape May, I will return to you very soon. Heads up to the most beautiful, crazy, amazing best friend in the world. We wil be hitting Cape May by storm. We will go to Cape May’s finest restaurants, wear party gowns, take WAYY to many pictures, drive a convertible, and get veerrry tan. Perfection.