To begin this lovely rambling session, I would like to admit that I’m aware that the month has changed and it is now September. Now that I’ve said my peace, I can begin.
And now, for yet another update on the status of my health.
I would like to inform you all that if you are concerned about my large muscles if you have seen me in the last two weeks, don’t be alarmed.
Dr. Petorak (Vladimir, my stomach man), called me about two weeks ago. So I went to his office with high hopes. He sat me down and said, “Lauren, I’ve found something.” WHAT?! Not that I’m going to accurately dictate what he said to me, I am going to try. “You have sserwej in your sdfwetj and I’m going to try and start you on sfuhrwiuvfv to see if it clears up the dkgjreaitrwg in your adskf aiurrgfdg.” That’s what I heard. Then my mom came into the office, and he explained it in my terms. He said that I had some kind of mysterious swelling in some part of my colon. It wasn’t enough for the lab people to say that it was colitis, but it was enough to be causing me lots of lovely discomfort.
So, my friends, I’m not clean. My muscles are ever increasing, my energy is high, and I’m starting to grow several inches per day. I’m taking steroids.
Maybe I’m exaggerating just a bit, but I am taking some kind of steroid. He said that it is suppose to help the swelling and I would notice a difference in about two weeks. Well, it’s been about two weeks, and guess what? I’m starting to notice a change for the better! AMEN! I ate a whoopie pie yesterday….and a cookie the day before. The same cookie, I sadly regret this, that I promised to Jared. But, I figured since it was for my own health…that he could make an exception. So any way, I’m able to eat more and I’m excited to gain some weight by eating my goodies more frequently! The nights are still a little iffy, but my days have been much better. I’m praying that this is a step in the right direction.
So, anyway….let’s talk about Christmas in August, a post that I should have posted long ago, but sickness, school, and Jared have seemed to get in the way of. Jared has this funny way of making me decide that doing ANYTHING productive just isn’t a good idea.
Every year, the girls (and Logan ) I babysit for in the summer and I throw a Christmas in August bash. We didn’t like the Christmas in July cliche…so we decided to make it our own. Well, we go all out: presents, a huge dinner, and crafts all with the Christmas theme. It is quite an event…and I believe that I must share the happenings with you.
Look at the joy on their faces! They are so eager to open their gifts! I’ve never seen Logan so full of vigor…..
Here are the most beloved Christmas gifts.
This tends to be an excellent time to get rid of my crap.
Niki has a small obsession with fondue and sparkling water. Why? Well, some things we will never know. Disregard the fact that the 11 year old girl looks drunk, I promise…it’s water. I am a high quality babysitter…I promise.
Jared bequeathed that lovely little finger creature to me for Christmas last year. I decided to pass it on, not only because it is creepy, but I was having nightmares about hundreds of those things attacking me.
Oh, an update on the Elsasser household’s animal population, we have one less. Cinnamon, may he rest in peace, had some kind of spastic stroke and passed away last week. Ironically the 58 year old bird that we STILL have hasn’t died. Nor, do I believe he ever will. Dad has decided that he wants Vern to be his personal shoulder bird. So he walks around with Vern, he exercises with Vern, he even takes a shower with Vern. No further comments on the subject.
Yes, I might have given Lauren a dog toy.
Lauren gave Logan an air horn. WORST. IDEA. EVER.
The cat who decided to stare us down the ENTIRE day.
And then, Lauren and Niki gave me the sweetest present I ever did receive. Niki crafted this memory box and put all kinds of lovely memories inside for me. There were the mints that Lauren would always steal from me, the princess balloon I bought for Jared at Knoebles, the lei from Tropical day, and Lauren made sure to include a picture of the whole family. I might have cried a little.
And now, for MY favorite part of Christmas in July, the food. Let me tell you, this is good. This ham might blow your mind. This is a new and innovative concept in ham baking, and it might cause you to do things that I don’t want to be held responsible for. Behold, the giant ham filled crescent roll. I will now proceed.
First, you have to start with a high quality ham. I prefer Smith-field due to the fact that Paula Deen is their spokesperson, and as we know, Paula Deen is where it is at.
Coat in in an orange and mustardy glaze and watch that ham sizzle.
Mix an egg wash, coat it in CRESCENT ROLLS, and brush the egg wash over top.
Bake, strip, and feast. Simply put, the best ham I have EVER eaten. I cried, that’s how good it was. End of story.
Paula Deen’s Giant Ham filled Crescent Roll
Items Needed:
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1 Smith-Field (fully cooked) spiral sliced ham, about 7-7.5 pound
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1/2 cup dijon mustard
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1/2 cup orange marmalade
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1 tsp. ground black pepper
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2 cans crescent rolls (three if you prefer to make cutouts and be all fancy)
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1 egg, 1tsp. water (for egg wash)
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Preheat oven to 350* F.
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Place the ham in a roasting pan. Stir the mustard, marmalade, and black pepper together. Slather the mixture all over the outside of the ham, making sure to also get inside each of the sliced portions. Bake the ham for 20 minutes and then remove it from the oven.
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Using 2 cans of the crescent rolls, unroll the dough and press the pieces together over the entire ham. Tuck any loose edges underneath the ham in the pan. Brush with egg wash.
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Here is where you can get fancy. Roll out the last can of crescent dough on a cutting board and cut out holiday shapes with a cookie cutter. Put the shapes on top of the crescent covered ham. Brush with more egg wash.
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Return the ham to the preheated oven and bake for another 30-35 minutes longer, until the crescent dough is a deep golden brown and cooked through.
I made sure to include the basics of any Christmas feast. Carbs and carbs, also commonly known as corn casserole and stuffing.
A gorgeous plate of my favorite foods, and an amazing way to end Christmas in August.
But before I go, I need to share something magical with you. I find this magical. Food…in a different form. I’m sure you will enjoy this just as much as I did….maybe 
