Mom’s Cheesecake Cake Brownies

There are those times in our life when we realize that mom’s is the best. Now, for me, however, these times are few and far between when it comes to food. Not that she is not a good cook, but I think she “pretends” not to be.

Lauren: What are we doing for dinner mom?

Mom: I guess I’ll just eat cereal or something…I don’t know.

Lauren: Do you want me to make something for you?

Mom: Well, I guess that would be ok.

Catch my drift? She is using me. She is using me for all of the wrong reasons. Who does she think she is, my mother? It’s not like she pays my bills, puts up with my sass, encourages me when I’m down, rubs my feet when I tell her it makes my stomach feel better, eats my leftovers, raves about me to all of her friends, or makes me feel like the most special person in the whole world. Oh wait, she does.

So, the moral of the story? Mom’s Cheesecake cake squares are the bomb. As a child, I used to be able to smell these brownies baking from miles away. I would have jumped off a bridge for these brownies. I would have shot a small mammal for these brownies. Ok..maybe I’m going a little overboard, but these brownies rock.

And you know how I can tell when something is good? Stains. Baking powder, cocoa, mold, milk stains, asbestos, lime, rust, sugar, you name it..if it’s caked onto a recipe…it’s a keeper. Honestly, I can’t even identify that blueish-gray tinted dollop of crap on the top of the recipe. Oh and that recipe? Here it is: feast your eyes.

Cheesecake Cake Brownies

Items Needed:

  • 2 8 ounce packages cream cheese, softened
  • 2  2/3 cups sugar, divided
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/4 cup water
  • 1/2 butter or margarine
  • 1  1/2   1-oz. squares unsweeted chocolate
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1/2 cup sour cream
  • 1 tsp. baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp. salt
  • 1 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips


  1. Preheat oven to 375*F. Grease and flour a 15-1/2 x 10-1/2 inch jelly roll pan. (If you don’t have this, either go buy one..or make due with something similar. Adjust the baking time accordingly)
  2.  Combined softened cream cheese and 2/3 cup sugar, mixing unil well blended. Blend in two eggs, one at a time.
  3. In microwave safe bowl, combine butter, water, and chocolate. Microwave for thirty seconds. Stir. Repeat. Microwave for about thirty seconds more, just until boiling.
  4. To the chocolate mixture, add remaining sugar and flour, mix well. Blend in remaining eggs, sour cream, baking soda and salt.
  5. Pour into pan. Spoon cream cheese mixture evenly over chocolate batter. Cut through the batter with a knife several times vertically and horizontally. Sprinkle with chocolate chips.
  6. Bake for 33-35 minutes, or until wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean and brownies appear to be set.
  7. Cool, cut into squares. Devour.

Need a visual aid?

First step, spray a pan with spray and sprinkle with flour. Then, you  must make an obnoxiously loud noise and bang the pan around so the flour covers the whole thing.

Next comes the baking chocolate…

And make it marbley…

Don’t forget to add those chips.

And voila….perfection.

Oh, PS. Don’t tell my beloved mother that I actually doubled the cream cheese part of these brownies. The only thing I ever desired as a child was more cheesecake on my cheesecake brownies. I used to get into pinching matches with Blake over this topic. Before the brownies cooled, I would attempt to snatch the three with the ideal cheesecake distribution and hide them in an unassuming spot, like the grill, the vegetable drawer in the fridge, or inside of the funyuns jar. That last one never worked out for me so well.

Beautiful. Thank you momma. Thank you for your brilliant recipe, your overjoyed attitude, and your ability to love me even when I’m stressed out.

Oh, and a glass of milk MUST be on standby.

Now go buy some funyuns so you can store your “properly distributed cheesecake laden” brownie.