The Tale of Two Cakes (Not Miss Cupcake’s)

Hello, my Miss Cupcake friends. This post has been long in the making. However, I’ve been icky all week. It started the evening before my birthday, and resulted in my scouring over my leftover birthday cake in the refrigerator waiting for my tummy to feel a sense of relief. When it did, I had my fork in hand, ready to take advantage of my hunger. It was and is a sad time. I mean, no cake? On my birthday? What is this world coming to?

But, the good news is more important. Not only did I have one birthday cake, I, my friends, had two. And no, I did not bake my own cake, as many of you have curiously asked me. That’s just against the rules.

This lovely boy, who I met when I was 14 years old, decided one day that he liked me quite a bit. What is wrong with the boy, you ask? My father has been asking him that question ever since. You see, that same boy has been with me through everything, hapiness and sadness, laughter and (throwing cookies on the floor) anger. He has stuck by me this ENTIRE week. Even staying up until 3:00am because my tummy hurt. He would wait by the door when I was in the bathroom, rub my back, and even went to the doctor with me. He scolded at me like my mother to eat something, and last but not least, he even baked me this absolutely amazing birthday cake, a flavor that doesn’t even exist in my repertoire. Now thats impressive. But before I divulge all the sugary details, I’d like to share about my birthday party!

Here are two of the most important men in my life: Jared and Blake. Jared loves me when Blake doesn’t and Blake threatens to end Jared’s life when he’s being mean to me (which is actually never). But, in the event that it does happen, I’m pretty much covered in any life threatening situation.

And then there is the typical, “OK Lauren, I’m going to pretend like I am choking you right now. Act like you are dying” picture moment that Blake and I do so well.

And of course, my birthday was not complete without my Hello Kitty Birthday Pin, along with heart confetti inside.

Back to the cake for a moment. LOOK AT THAT! Jared sculpted, molded, rolled, whipped, baked, and sweat in order that I might have the most lovely cake in the world. I love him so much. He was so proud of this. After only 5 1/2 hours in the kitchen, this is what he produced. Not bad for his first real attempt. Crap, my business is doomed. :)

Everything about this cake was magical. Not only did he make gourmet white chocolate buttercream icing, but like I said, he INVENTED a new flavor: Strawberry Cookies and Cream with a hint of golden oreos. He’s magical.  Oh, and he didn’t even forget the cherry on top.

That oblong yellow shaped object is actually a banana. The creases in lines are to give it that “natural” look” (I think, hehe)

Chocolate ice cream.

Strawberry ice cream.

And viola! Banana Split. Maybe this is his sign of appreciation for forcing him to eat massive amounts of ice cream for my photography project. Hmmm…I’d like to think so.

This cake tasted fabulous. I shouldn’t say that, or you’ll start ordering cupcakes from Jared. But, I can’t tell a lie. Ok, I’m actually a very good liar, but not about my cake taste buds. This cake was off the chain, as they say  in the ghetto. Although, I haven’t been to the ghetto lately, maybe they don’t say that anymore.

Anywhoo, the cake. Yes, the cake. After a few days of my tummy problems, I needed to try this magical confection. In fact, I was so proud of this, that I didn’t let anyone taste it at my party. I scolded from afar when someone went to peak inside the lid. I do believe I actually threatened a woman who I heard whispering about her cake attack plan. Let’s just say, she was scared.

And this nasty, crappy, ugly, fugly, mugly piece of Satan’s wrath decided to show up at my party. What the heck is that? I don’t even think I want to know. I do think that it would poke me with those giant horns and take me to the Devils lair. I believe we called it “Devil in bug form.”

And now, I must preface this picture with a bit of a story. A long long time ago there was a small girl who was turning 20. Her mother asked her what kind of dessert she wished to consume on her birthday. Immediately, this young girl came back with a strict order of: “Keeley’s marble cake with vanilla buttercream icing or Country Cupboards Vanilla Cake, Vanilla Buttercream, and Raspberry filling. Absolutely NO cupcakes, because the icing ratio is much better in a cake. Plus, I want CAKE!” Her mother seemed to have listened, but the young girl didn’t really know. Then, the day of the girl’s birthday, her mother asked her where the girl thought that the mother had purchased the cupcakes. With that, the small girl started to become very angry, throwing the English muffin that she had ordered for her breakfast. At once, the small girl reminded her mother that she had asked for cake. Her mother said, well…I guess we should just go see it. Below, my friends, is what I saw……

WHAT HAPPENED!? Actually I saw this cake before it was wrapped in cling wrap, before it took a giant messy frostingy fall. I saw this cake as one huge cupcake, just as my mother had said. (Country cupboard vanilla cake, raspberry filling, vanilla buttercream. You do it right every time mother!)

But, on the way to the party, my cake took a fall. You see, my mother asked the bakery at CC if they could make this massive cupcake. Apparently this is not something that they had ever tried before, because the failed to support it in any way. After a very scientific conversation with my architect uncle, we concluded that the raspberry filling was a like a slide, and the cake was like a small child. Do the match. I tried to save it because I saw a show one time where a cake had fallen and they saved it with cling wrap. It didn’t work.

But it was a happy birthday, and this cake was mighty delicious. I was quickly reminded that Miss Cupcake’s cake is better, but there is something about someone else’s cake that is so delicious to me. Maybe its the fact that I didn’t make it. Who knows, but this cake was yyuummy.

So after a tummy ache, two beautiful cakes, and a party with those whom I love so much, I was spent. What a lovely birthday. Honestly, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I lied, I would definitely change the tummy ache. I was really excited on stuffing my face with large amounts of the disaster area cake.